This has been a very rough year. I kind of feel like I've gone over the edge at this point, like I just don't really care anymore. But I do...but I don't. Which is a horrible thing to say. But I just can't care anymore. There's too much to care about, and I am so tired of caring about whether or not my kids succeed more than they or their parents care, and I'm so tired of pouring everything I have into everything and just not getting much out.
Sorry I've been negative. On the up side, one positive thing this year has taught me is just how great my co-workers are. They really are an extremely supportive group. I'm not the only one who's been struggling this year...in fact, I don't know anyone in our department who HASN'T been struggling this year...and every time someone is feeling overwhelmed or having a breakdown (and there have been a lot this semester), there are always people around to listen and offer support and offer love and encouragement, or at the very least camaraderie.
This is good, because I'm feeling so distant from a lot of my friends and family lately... I feel like everyone around me is equally busy and no one has time for anyone else.And that's nobody's fault; it's just sad...
As you can tell, I am ready for break. And break is coming soon, so I'm hoping that two weeks without grading or grad school work to do will refresh me and kind of give me a "reset" button. I just feel like I've been wound up so tight for the last five months, like I haven't truly been able to relax, and I am ready to relax. I am planning to take the first week of winter break to just relax and not do any work. I'm just tired of feeling negative all the time; I feel like I am not me this year and I don't like it.
