Rough year

This has been a very rough year. I kind of feel like I've gone over the edge at this point, like I just don't really care anymore. But I do...but I don't. Which is a horrible thing to say. But I just can't care anymore. There's too much to care about, and I am so tired of caring about whether or not my kids succeed more than they or their parents care, and I'm so tired of pouring everything I have into everything and just not getting much out.

Sorry I've been negative. On the up side, one positive thing this year has taught me is just how great my co-workers are. They really are an extremely supportive group. I'm not the only one who's been struggling this year...in fact, I don't know anyone in our department who HASN'T been struggling this year...and every time someone is feeling overwhelmed or having a breakdown (and there have been a lot this semester), there are always people around to listen and offer support and offer love and encouragement, or at the very least camaraderie.

This is good, because I'm feeling so distant from a lot of my friends and family lately... I feel like everyone around me is equally busy and no one has time for anyone else.And that's nobody's fault; it's just sad...

As you can tell, I am ready for break. And break is coming soon, so I'm hoping that two weeks without grading or grad school work to do will refresh me and kind of give me a "reset" button. I just feel like I've been wound up so tight for the last five months, like I haven't truly been able to relax, and I am ready to relax. I am planning to take the first week of winter break to just relax and not do any work. I'm just tired of feeling negative all the time; I feel like I am not me this year and I don't like it.

Bleeeehhh

Sorry. I have felt no urge to write. I am not very happy this year.

Profession?

I am seriously considering either a job location change or an entire profession change. I am tense and stressed ALL the time this year. I spent my entire weekend grading (and almost all of last weekend grading), and several hours after school every other day in the last couple of weeks, and I'm still not caught up. Every week we have a meeting where they throw NEW things at us that we have to do, without fully explaining how we're supposed to do them. The administration has made several schedule changes within the last month about THIS school year. I have several students who are failing because they absolutely refuse to do any work, and yet somehow this will be considered MY fault. I can't figure out if my frustration is about the profession in general or simply my current district... I am leaning toward district, since while people in other districts seem frustrated, they don't seem to have the same level of frustration that people in my district currently do. Regardless of what happens, something's got to give. I have no desire to spend the rest of my life in this constant state of tension. I would like to at least enjoy a weekend every once in awhile without worrying about the vast amount of catching up I'll have to do if I take some time off.

Frustration

I can not describe how frustrated I have been feeling with the teaching profession this year. I feel myself shutting down these last couple of weeks. I no longer feel any desire to look at the news or go on facebook, for fear of seeing somebody else who has no idea how the field of education works say something stupid about education.

In addition to the frustration with society, I am feeling frustrated with school. We've added about six new (HUGE) initiatives and changes this year, and it seems like the administration just expects us to automatically be able to make these changes with no extra support, time... I've been working 14+ hours daily, plus several hours on the weekends, and still not catching up with everything I'm supposed to do. Grad class certainly isn't helping, of course, but I think I would be overwhelmed this year even without it.

I am seriously starting to wonder if I might want to change professions at some point in time. This thought terrifies me, because I never really wanted to do anything besides teaching. Despite this, I feel how constantly tense and stressed out I am during the school year, how I can never truly relax because there is always more work I need to be doing, and I wonder if it's worth it. Maybe it would be nice to have a job where all the work I'm doing is actually considered work. (Since the 8 hours a day I am teaching does not give me nearly enough time to do all the grading, planning, interventions, phone calls, etc. that I am supposed to do, but somehow, according to society, that's the only time I'm actually working). I am quite sure that there are jobs out there where I would be paid more than I am currently making for less stress.

This idea makes me really sad, though. I do truly like teaching. I like connecting with kids. I like explaining something and having the students get it. I like the opportunity to come up with new and creative lesson plans. I like it when students come back and visit me after they're no longer my students because I made an impact on them. I like every day is different, and every lesson is different - even if it's a lesson I've taught before. So yes, I like teaching. I just don't like what it's becoming.

....

Bleh.

There are only so many new initiatives I can handle in one year. Even if they're all worthwhile initiatives...come on, a little at a time, please!

School tomorrow

School starts tomorrow! Well, my first official day of work is tomorrow; the first actual school day with kids is Wednesday. I always feel apprehensive at this time of year. I've been working the last two weeks to get as far ahead in planning and in life as I can to forestall the inevitable moment where I fall hopelessly behind for as long as possible. I know it will happen - it always happens - but I do get a little better at holding it off a little longer each year.

I will miss feeling like a person, though... I like teaching, but I hate how stressed out I feel on a constant basis during the school year. I really hope it fades at least a little at some point.

Well...wish me luck!

Misinformation

I have been getting very annoyed with the posts I've been reading on Facebook lately. The closer it gets to the election, the more and more political posts I see. And, honestly, that would be fine, if the posts had any basis in fact or genuine reasons as to why people should vote for one candidate over another. Instead, though, I constantly see outrage - outrage at horrible things that both candidates for the presidency have done or said. The problem with this outrage is, that... the candidates didn't actually say or do these things. Nobody fact checks. I've had quite a few times where someone has posted something that, yes, would be horrible if it were true...but all it took was a quick google search to discover multiple sources that contradict what people have posted. How hard is it to fact check your information? Or do people really, truly not care that they're spreading misinformation, as long as it gets others to take the side of their candidate? I know I have to teach my students what sources are reliable and what sources are not reliable, but I am perturbed that adults do not seem to understand that e-mails, facebook posts, blogs, or political ads are not reliable sources for their information. Even more perturbing are sources that claim to be reliable sources that spread misinformation. I'm not targeting any one side of the political spectrum - both sides are guilty. But how to respond? If I respond to something I know to be false, it seems like I'm taking the other side, and all the sudden I'm attacked as a strong conservative or strong liberal, depending on the candidate that's being wrongfully criticized. Honestly, I'm not sure who I want to vote for at this point in time, but what I DO know is that I want to base my vote in fact, not in manufactured outrage, and it scares me that people in both parties may be voting purely because of the "information" they get through chain e-mails or Facebook posts.